last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
