Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
