Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
