How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
