I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
