i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
