hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
