Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My life is pants optional.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
