Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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