guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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