ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
