the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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