I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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