I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
