The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
