Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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