I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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