I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
