Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
where am i from again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
