Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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