hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
