dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
