My liver just broke up with me...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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