I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
