You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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