I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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