Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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