I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
