Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So many bounce houses so little time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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