I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hippo gnu deer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
