Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
