Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
