I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
