hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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