I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
