dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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