I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if only i could text you this smell
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
