Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
