lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
