fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
