I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
