Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
