I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am mentally ready for anal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
