i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
