Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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