So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
