wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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