I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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