you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love accidental penises.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
