Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
